Friday, December 3, 2010

Reverb #10 - Prompt #3

December 3 – Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors). (Author: Ali Edwards)

I, literally, had to look back in my calendar to remind myself what I did in the past year.
There was a lot of awesome mixed in with just everyday stuff...and I couldn't grasp one singular moment that thrilled me completely.

Mostly, what happens, is that I'm sitting somewhere, usually over drinks and food with my people, and all the sudden I realize how fucking unbelievably lucky a person I am.

Every face is adorable (to me at least), every belly laugh is a god damn revelation, every bite of food and sip of cocktail is more enjoyable because I'm where I'm supposed to be.

This happens at Taco Tuesdays, this happens over brunches that last for 4 hours!
Or on road trips, with Tecate in hand, while giving each other mad amounts of shit while the warm sun is setting on our faces.

You see, there is no one moment when I felt alive. I feel alive all the time.
I'm breathing and loving and giving everything I can and return I'm getting it back 3 fold or 5 fold because everyone else I know is living in the moment and being with me as much as I am with them.

Am I lucky, HELL YES. And I try to acknowledge that everyday.
And seriously, who needs ONE MOMENT?
I got so many moments, I don't know what to do with all of them...but just roll around in them loving every minute.

Oooh, but I DID see The Human Centipede with a couple of handsome jerkbeasts.
And that kind of changed everything.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Reverb #10 - Prompt #2

December 2 – Writing. What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it? (Author: Leo Babauta)

Sigh...
This prompt bums me out.

There is so much that I do that doesn't contribute to a writing life.
And writing is something that I'd love to do more than anything else.

I guess the real question is why AREN'T I writing?
I'm not writing because I'm watching TV, reading, hanging out with friends, washing the dishes, texting, tweeting, napping, working.

And although this list of things is perfectly fine - I mean, you should be able to do all that stuff - but they become excuses for not writing.
Actually, some of them are perfectly absurd excuses.

For instance, "I've had this Netflix movie for two weeks". Or, "I need to do the laundry".
And really, fundamentally, I think it's more, "I'm really scared to start".

FEAR.

I remember, a long time ago, I had a friend that told me, "It's okay to call yourself a writer. The more you do it, the more you are it!".
And so I went around calling myself a writer, but not really producing anything. I guess I thought if I said it enough that the words would just simultaneously fall out of me.

But that's not the way it works.
It's a practice and you have to do it everyday, without excuse, because that's the only way that it can be coaxed and forced from the recesses of your brain.

So similar to meditation - one must practice in order to receive its benefits.
One must stop talking about the practice...AND PRACTICE.

And here I am. I'm writing. RIGHT NOW, I'm doing it.
And I must admit, it's terrifying...but it's the kind of wonderful feeling that one feels when they catch themselves falling on ice.
That empowered feeling of knowing you were in control of yourself enough to maintain being upright.
The sublime feeling of knowing you righted yourself and can walk on with your head held high.






Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Reverb #10 - Prompt #1

Alright, so I rarely reflect.
Only if forced. I usually, in hindsight, have moments of clarity that I'm never entirely sure will inform further choices in my life.

But I probably should.
And Reverb 10 is how I plan to.

First, I should address the fact that I haven't blogged since July. Believe you me, it's been weighing uber-heavy on my mind. It's not like I ever meant to stop - I just got sidetracked living. That's okay, right?

Well, that's going to change. I've been perusing photos and trying to get my ducks in a row and there should be some new updates soon. I promise.

Still, I feel like this Reverb 10 thing might provide a good jump start.
I don't want my blog to just continue to be a recounting of porch drinking and wild nights.
Don't get me wrong - I love those things...and I promise to continue to post pics of my friends acting the fool over and over again.

But going back to what I said earlier...I rarely reflect and I want to start.

Here's what Reverb 10 is about via their website:

Reverb 10 (#reverb10) is now an annual event, an inspired response to (and evolution of) #best09. It’s an open online initiative that encourages participants to reflect on this year and manifest what’s next. It’s an opportunity to retreat and consider the reverberations of your year past, and those that you’d like to create in the year ahead. We’re connected by the belief that sharing our stories has the power to change us. We look forward to reading yours.


I don't know what's next. But I want to try to figure it out if I can.
And that brings me to the first prompt.

December 1 One Word.
Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?
(Author: Gwen Bell)

The one word that I would pick for 2010 is TRY.

Try it. Taste it. Feel it. Introduce yourself. Dive in. Take a risk.

This year has been me putting myself out there and praying that I didn't fall flat on my ass. And you know what? I didn't.

And the reason I didn't is because every time I tried, I had two people reminding me that I could.
Or I met 4 new people that caught me just before I ate shit.

I'm not saying this will always work for me...but I'm not saying that it won't work for you.

I have met the most amazing people in 2010. People I'm not letting go of...and it's because I tried.

I need to remind myself of this because I get cozy, as we all do, with our friends, our worlds. We're creatures of habit and we like to keep it simple.
But I'm not to keep it so simple that I'm not willing to let out a giant cleansing breath and step forward into this life and the great adventure I'm due.

I need to continue to step forward, try, and believe that there will be phenomenal people all around me that will want good things for me...good people that might even reach out to me when I've tried and fallen down.